Thursday, November 18, 2010

Painting Your Home DIY



One of my greatest passions is painting . . . all kinds of painting, using a variety of mediums.  If I could comfortably get up on a ladder for extended periods of time and not so afraid of heights, I would make my living as a decorative painter . . .


There is nothing like changing the colors on the walls to make an instant change to a room without a huge investment.


Are you into DIY painting?  If so, you will want to check out Painting Your Home . . . includes tutorials, ideas and resources to paint your home beautifully.


You know that I'll be blog hopping today . . . awesome variety of blog hops on Thursday . . . check them out!  They will all be permanently listed on the side bar or at the end of all of my blog pages . . . I love them!


Have an awesome Thursday!





Thursday Blog Hops
Obviously MARvelousBassgiraffe's Thoughts Thursday Blog Hop
PhotobucketThe Two Savvy SistersBaby Blogger Thursday

Thursday Blog Hops
 moonangelnay thursday blogspot link party blog hop

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

The crafty side of things





Since recently discovering blog hops, I have found many great blogs on a range of topics for women.  My poor blogs have suffered since I have found so many new and wonderful blogs to explore.

As an avid crafter of many dimensions, the crafty blogs have been of particular interest to me.  There are many creative people out there and my brain is swirling with ideas that have spun off of stuff I've seen in some of these blogs.  Amazing stuff!!

Click on the button to go to CraftGossip, an awesome craft blog that covers a wide range of projects.  If you are into crafts, you will love this blog!








Malia of Yesterday on Tuesday hosts a crafty linky party on Thursdays that you will not want to miss.  You'll also want to check out Every Day Is A Party on her blog . . . it lists all kinds of crafty related linky parties to show off your latest creations. Check her awesome blog out . . .





A Crafty Soiree





Of course I am blog hopping today . . . here are a few that I have already listed at . . . as I discover more, I will add them to the section of the side bar dedicated to blog hops . . . I can see that they are gonna need their own page soon!  


I'm loving the blog hops :-)


Blogging Hints Catch a Wave Wednesday



Have an awesome day!!




Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Expose your blog!!! . . . Blog hops


Since I made the decision to take my blogs seriously and experiment with various ways of marketing, many discoveries have been made.  By far, blog hopping is my favorite.


Rather than try to explain something that I am just learning, click on the following blog hops that I am participating in today to learn more.


It is a fabulous way to make new friends, find awesome blogs, increase traffic, gain new followers . . . try it . . . you'll love it :-)










Blogging Hints Catch a Wave Wednesday










Obviously MARvelous





moonangelnay thursday blogspot link party blog hop





Bassgiraffe's Thoughts Thursday Blog Hop


UPDATE:

I'm adding blog hops faster than I can keep up with this post . . .

all blog hops for this blog are listed on the sidebar.

Check out my other blogs for other blog hops.


Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Beauty and the "ideal" . . . give me a break!



It is all around us . . . I recently wrote about it . . . how society views those whose image is not seen as "ideal". The media's focus on beauty and image continues to sicken me. Who made them the societal judge and jury anyway?


It continues to bug me that we have the "food police" who are appalled at the food choices offered through various venues, especially the fast food restaurants. In their opinion, they should make the choices for us . . . who they deem as a stupid, ignorant society who don't have the good sense to make the right food choices. 


It is a personal choice!  What about free enterprise and allowing those restaurants to serve food that their customers want to eat?  We are moving more and more toward a socialist society where those who deem themselves the "smart people" make the choices since they know better. 


Of course they are entitled to their opinion . . . but we all have one, don't we?  If you don't like the food choices at a particular eating establishment . . . don't eat there!!  Find another restaurant that suits your needs . . .


Although it is already old news, writer Maura Kelly of Marie Claire magazine took tons of heat from the Internet community and beyond for writing a "fat-bashing" article based on "fat characters" on a television show.


She wrote:
"So anyway, yes, I think I'd be grossed out if I had to watch two characters with rolls and rolls of fat kissing each other ... because I'd be grossed out if I had to watch them doing anything.
To be brutally honest, even in real life, I find it aesthetically displeasing to watch a very, very fat person simply walk across a room -- just like I'd find it distressing if I saw a very drunk person stumbling across a bar or a heroine addict slumping in a chair."
Excuse me Maura . . . you'd better hide yourself away from the world since most of our society is not perfect and you are gonna spend your life disgusted and grossed out.  Sorry that imperfect people displease you Miss Perky Perfect.  What a sad person you are . . .


She issued an apology after the backlash from mainstream America. No doubt it had something to do with the magazine not wanting all the negativity and bad press. It is pure arrogance . . . all about money. They have forgotten that society in general are not what they would consider "ideal" . . . we are the "real people," most of us have flaws, unlike "the beautiful people."


One of my favorite websites, BlogHer, wrote several articles on this subject. In particular, there was a line in one of the articles that I love . . . 
"The back story is really relevant, because while we all know that all manner of bigoted and hurtful thinking is common everywhere, it's troubling when it appears in mainstream publications."
It is our responsibility to ignore these arrogant publications and seek alternate sources for reading material on various topics deeming them irrelevant. The bashing has got to stop! Society needs to send them the message that we are mad as hell and not gonna read their publications anymore.


This arrogant behavior is bringing up a new crop of "less than perfect" young women growing up thinking that unhealthy eating disorders are the lesser of the evils. They can hide their disorder and emotional issues associated with their obsession with the "ideal", but their outer beauty will ultimately shine . . . that is what is important. How sad . . .


It all started with the marketing of "Twiggy" . . . the supermodel of the 60's . . .


In my opinion, the message should be . . . strive to be the best person you can be, inside and out . . . educate yourself on how to make healthy improvements and how to make enhancements to be the most attractive you can be . . . embrace your uniqueness and love yourself for who you are . . . be true to yourself!

Friday, October 22, 2010

Authenticity

When I cruise the internet, I get lost and spend hours looking for new and interesting websites and blogs.  On occasion, I run into one that I consider outstanding . . . BlogHer is one of them.  You can reach the website by going to the sidebar of my blog . . . I have included the "Own Your Beauty" link.  Every month they target a different topic . . . this month is "Authenticity."  Check them out!


The following article comes directly from their website . . . No, I'm not "stealing" their content . . . I don't want to lose the content by just placing a link here and losing the content when they change their website pages.  (It has happened way too often, making my blog posts useless . . . just wanted to explain why I do it!)


In the years that I have adopted the lifestyle of "Simple Abundance," other than being grateful for simple little things every day, being authentic is up there on the list of importance as far as quality of life.


Usually this type of post goes on my Peace, Love, Happiness blog, but I thought posting this here is of great importance to women everywhere.  If these type of topics interest  you, please visit my other blog!


The awesome ladies at BlogHer
 have given us 12 tips to authenticity:

1.   Where is the list of fine performing arts that includes “art of listening,” I ask you?
2.   I’m suspicious of anyone who tells me they are an expert. Students teach me more.
3.   Confidence is the heartbeat of beauty. The trick? To get there we have to fail and change. The courage to  fail is irresistible to me.
4.   Are you hurting? Tell people. You will feel so GORGEOUS when you stop isolating yourself and open your heart.
5.   Take three hours a week for self-exploration: Make a regular date with yourself relax and things that will let your mind wander. Don’t expect major breakthroughs each time; it’s total time spent that helps you subconsciously approach the world differently.
6.   Don't compare: There’s a big difference between being inspired by others and emulating them. Your accomplishments may be similar to others’, but your path is unique and equally valid. Your job is not to be better than anyone, but to best meet your own purpose.
7.   Try not talking: Just observe others for a day. You’ll be amazed at how much connection you’ve missed, and how much more comfortable people are around someone who can let conversations unfold.
8.   What are you always telling yourself you'll do “someday?" Consider doing it now. Note I didn’t say do it, but consider doing it. Asking yourself to consider it takes the pressure off acting right away -- but the seeds are subconsciously planted.
9.   Don't be afraid to ask questions. Nothing exudes more confidence than freely admitting you don't know everything. People figure you must be really smart if you're willing to admit when you're dumb.
10. Everything you choose to share should be the truth. But you don't have to share everything. You can be authentic and still have boundaries. In fact you probably should!
11. You have the opportunity to live your values with every dollar you spend. Vote via the ballot box and your wallet.
12. The corollary to living your values is: Do the best that you can, until you can do better. None of us is perfect. But we should never do nothing because we can't do everything. I was a vegetarian for seventeen years before I finally successfully went vegan.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

The photoshopped image of life . . . what is real anymore?




Everyone has true beauty that is their own . . . something . . . even if it is inner beauty.


Society has imposed "model images" . . . from the pages of magazines that have been photoshopped . . . of what we should look like that aren't even real in themselves. Blemishes are digitally removed, images of models are altered so they appear thinner . . . I could go on and on.


It should not have surprised me when I read an article and learned that the magazine Men's Health has been accused of photoshopping their model's muscles to appear larger . . . bodies made to look better defined.


It is all a false sense of beauty in a society where so much emphasis is placed on "appearances" . . . yet, if you look around, the majority of that same society falls way below what society deems as "ideal." Is it any wonder why there are so many depressed and paranoid people walking around this world feeling inadequate?


Focus on what is real and authentic . . . look at ourselves and others differently, treat each other kinder by celebrating strength, courage and morality.


Talent is a gift that is many times overlooked by appearances . . . an overweight person on "American Idol" is treated differently than the person whose appearance is deemed "ideal". 


Perhaps Mama Cass would not have had a chance at a successful singing career in this day and age. Even with her tremendous singing talent, she is most remembered as a member of the group the Mamas and the Papas who choked on a chicken sandwich.


We are a cruel and arrogant society as a whole . . . fueled by the media with new tricks of altering images through the technology of graphic software, aka "photoshopping" . . . computer generated commercials . . . and don't forget cosmetic surgery. It is fake, fake, fake!!!  Does anyone know what is "real" anymore?


Focus on the positive approach of finding what is beautiful and unique about yourself . . . a person's true beauty, uniqueness and authenticity is indeed something to celebrate. 




God gave every one of us gifts
that are uniquely ours.

Have you found yours?











Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Love that red . . . add some color to your decor


The splashes of red caught my attention in this bedroom . . . for me, there is something about red with black.


HGTV's website has an inspiring and informative section called "Color Guide" with ideas that don't have to cost a lot of money.  It is loaded with "how-to's" on all sorts of things for making little changes around the house that can make a huge difference.


Click here to go to the page . . .



Saturday, October 2, 2010

Psychologically Unhealthy Work & Management – A Human Rights Violation?

Some recent events have underscored how pervasive workplace unhappiness and psychologically unhealthy management are in companies today. Some receive more media attention - like the flight attendant who made a dramatic exit from his job via the plane's emergency slide, with a couple of brews in hand; or the Connecticut worker who, upon resigning his job, shot and killed eight co-workers.

The dramatic and the violent examples overshadow the far more frequent cases of men and women who suffer daily, often in silence or frustration, in work that's either boring to a debilitating degree, as I wrote about in a previous post; or under management that's psychologically damaging. Examples of the latter are numerous, and mounting. A typical one is the woman who goes home crying every night because of a tyrannical, abusive boss. She feels trapped, needs the job, especially in this economy, and doesn't know what to do. Or the senior executive who's on the verge of being fired because he's alienated so many with his narcissistic, arrogant attitudes and behavior. "Everyone I work with is either a jerk, an incompetent, or an ass," he told me, indignantly. "And now I'm being told that I need some coaching to change my ways?"

The emotional damage from an unhealthy management culture is nothing new. Twenty years ago, in Modern Madness, I described how careers and companies can create emotional conflicts for people who are not otherwise disturbed. But today, I think we may need to look at unhealthy management and workplace practices as a violation of human rights. Read on, and at the end of this post I'll give some questions for help assessing the health of your own workplace.

There's no question, management practices can damage the mental health of a company's employees. When unhealthy management and leadership harms employees, it also harms their work performance. Most everyone is familiar with the damaging effects of abusive, hostile, arrogant and narcissistic bosses; of manipulative or deceitful leadership behavior -- often directed by senior management towards each other; workaholic demands that result in burnout and diminished productivity; intimidation and threats, subtle and overt; public denigration and humiliation; destructive political maneuvering and closet discrimination.

The list goes on. Typical consequences for individuals include depression, rage, severe stress or anxiety, withdrawal, paranoia and, increasingly, lawsuits.

As a consultant to business leadership and a psychotherapist for 30 years, I've helped people at both ends of the spectrum -- from the mailroom to the corporate suite -- deal with the consequences. Moreover, I've seen an increase of such practices and their consequences since the economic meltdown began in September 2008.

Unhealthy leadership and the culture it spawns typically disseminates downward. It drains away high-performing, energized, engaged employees, including the innovative teamwork companies need to stay nimble and competitive -- especially today. Moreover, an unhealthy management culture fuels emotional conflicts among employees who weren't overtly troubled prior to working in that environment. Or, it exacerbates prior emotional conflicts that were previously dormant or well-managed. That's what I documented in Modern Madness.

But defining unhealthy management as a human rights violation would underscore the principle that men and women should have the right to both a physically and psychologically healthy workplace. It will spur more companies to recognize the link between successful business and a healthy workplace culture.

Some might argue that such practices are less severe than, say, exploitative child labor or unsanitary, environmentally toxic working environments. Or, that you can leave a job if you don't like how you're being treated (Yeah, right -- try that in this economy). But similar arguments were also put forth about racial and gender discrimination by companies, and we've since expanded our view of workplace human rights to include protection from those.

I think the primary obstacle to thinking of unhealthy management as a human rights violation is something different. It's rooted in a socially conditioned perspective about the link between work and mental health. That is, companies that do acknowledge a link at all between emotional disturbance and the workplace tend to think of troubles that people bring with them to the office. For example, depression, alcohol and drug problems, severe anxiety, uncontrollable anger, and acute family crises. Of course, many people experience conflicts like these for reasons largely unrelated to the workplace, and they do impact job performance and workplace relationships.

But these are in the category of how the person impacts the workplace. I find that the more pervasive and insidious conflicts today are those resulting from how the workplace impacts the person.

Why Companies Should Pay Attention

Data about the latter has been growing. Over 10 years ago the World Health Organization elevated the status of "workplace stress" (a broad term including the impact of unhealthy management) to that of a "worldwide epidemic." Today, the impact of an unhealthy workplace environment on the employee is estimated to cost American companies $300 billion a year in poor performance, absenteeism and health costs.

Similarly, a report by the International Labor Organization back in 2000 found that work-related emotional conflicts were already costing the U.S. about 200 million lost workdays each year. Such conflicts are also one of the most common health problems in EU countries. A European survey found that 28% of workers reported emotional conflicts caused by work. Similar data have been reported by Canadian businesses. And in Japan, a survey found the percentage shot up from 53% in 1982 to 63% in 1997. All of these numbers are likely to have grown in the years since they surveys were conducted.

They may be just the tip of the iceberg. Workers often cite the physical symptoms, such as headaches, chronic pain or digestive disorders as their reason for taking leave, when untreated mental health problems are the underlying cause. In fact, research shows that emotional conflict can weaken the immune system and make people more vulnerable to a host of illnesses.

So companies have a clear stake in defining emotionally harmful management practices as a human rights issue. By not taking steps to create more positive, healthier environments they undermine the performance and commitment of workers through the lost workdays, diminished productivity and less innovation. That generates higher costs to the organization, not to mention hurt the company's reputation -- including its ability to attract and retain high-quality talent and, eventually, it's success in the global marketplace.

Some companies have been addressing these problems. But mostly, it's after they arise, and as an "add-on," not as a necessity or practice reflecting the human rights of employees. Examples include wellness programs, employee assistance programs, and classes for dieting and stress-management. These are helpful. But they fall short of what companies could do at the front end: reducing the emotionally harmful organizational cultures and management practices that hurt employees and the business in the first place.

Some movement in this direction has recently begun, but it's mainly pushed by the threat of new laws. Eleven states have introduced legislation prohibiting workplace abuse by management. Model legislation, developed by Suffolk University Law School professor David Yamada, defines the scope and features of the more visible end of the spectrum - abusive, bullying, demeaning behavior.

Of course, some executives will respond only after getting a wake-up call. Then, they realize that their companies are losing their competitive edge or market share and part of the reason is that they're increasingly perceived as undesirable place to work. Reactive behavior is better than none at all, but companies would be wise to become more proactive, and deal with this problem at the front end.
The fact is, a positive, healthy management culture will help the company stay competitive and retain the best employees. That kind of environment supports the innovation, cutting-edge thinking, and the psychological and cultural competencies needed for success in this fluid, globalized economy.

In Synch With Today's Employees

Leaders who do become proactive are more in synch with surveys and research showing that men and women across generations -- from 20-somethings to baby boomers -- will commit themselves to organizations that practice positive, healthy management -- such as collaboration, teamwork, a clear reward and recognition system, and transparency at all levels. They want companies led by open-mined but confident people who embrace the often-unsettling tension that accompanies new terrain and new challenges. In fact, the successful executives use that tension to energize and lead, as Robert Rosen has written in Just Enough Anxiety, based on studies of 250 CEOs and other senior executives.

Similarly, a survey of 8000 workers across all age groups and occupations by Concours Group found that the most productive, energized workers gravitate towards companies that provide opportunities for ongoing learning, growth and creative challenge. They want their work to have a positive impact on something more meaningful than just the narrower rewards of money, position, or power. They also want the service or product they work on to have a positive impact on people's lives.

A 2007 survey by MonsterTRAK found that 80% of those surveyed said they want a job that has a positive impact on the environment. 92% said they would choose working for a "green" company. Other research shows employees working at companies with corporate social responsibility (CSR) programs are the most satisfied. They stay at their jobs longer and are more content with senior management then their peers at companies with lackluster CSR programs, according to a survey conducted by Kenexa Research Institute.

And among those entering the corporate pipeline, a 2007 Hill & Knowlton survey found that three-quarters of top MBA students say corporate reputation will play a critical role in deciding where to work. They cite quality of management and social responsibility among the key drivers of where they look. While the current economic and career climate creates some fears and uncertainties about the choices one is facing, the direction of this overall thrust is nevertheless clear.

Defining unhealthy management practices as human rights violations would raise the bar for corporations regarding their management conduct. It would encourage them to build the kinds of companies that people will continue to gravitate towards -- ones committed to practicing respect, fair treatment, openness, and collaboration; along with support for continuous learning and growth of skills, knowledge and talent.

In fact, companies who make it through the current economic recession in the best shape and best positioned for success will be those whose leaders believe in and support an energized work force, high quality of goods or services, ethical conduct, and socially responsible and environmentally sustainable practices. And, that all of those rest upon the foundation of the management culture. A healthy one is both good...and good for business.

How Healthy Is Your Workplace?

Ask yourself, does It provide:

• Support for workers' well-being, through wellness programs, exercise, stress management, flextime and other programs; not surface gestures like free coffee and soda.

• A positive, fun work environment, which makes you look forward to going to work.

• Clear paths for new learning and career advancement.

• A safe and nontoxic office environment and building, including "green" equipment and furniture.

• Open communication and feedback, up and down.

• Team-oriented work cultures.

• Commitment to diversity in hiring and promotion of employees, including differences of gender, racial/ethnic group, and sexual orientation.

• Transparency and high ethical standards, demonstrated in practice, not just by a "mission statement."

• Positive, supportive leadership and management practices, including corporate citizenship, ethics and corporate responsibility practices.

• Employee recognition and reward programs, fairly applied.

dlabier@CenterProgressive.org
Web Site: Center for Progressive Development
Personal Blog: Progressive Impact
© 2010 Douglas LaBier

Source for this article . . . You are never nobody!

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Homemade Banana Hair Mask




Love finding new uses for those things
 we usually toss in the trash!

Ripe bananas freeze well too . . .



Ingredients and Directions


Mash a banana in a bowl.

Add 1-2 tablespoons of honey.

You can also add a few drops of almond or vanilla extract.

Slather the banana mash through your hair
(especially on the tips of your hair).

Leave it on your hair for about fifteen minutes.

Rinse out with warm water.





The banana bits can take a very long time to rinse out of your hair - 
it is recommended that you have a lot of spare time to rinse it out

Bananas contain potassium which
strengthens and fixes damaged hair.

Use this every week to get healthy, shiny hair.


Source: WikiHow



Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Cozy up to an outdoor firepit




One of the most pleasant outdoor experiences
is relaxing outdoors by a firepit.

The DIY Network website has an awesome slideshow
of various firepit designs with simple instructions.

This one is my favorite . . .





For more design inspirations and instructions, click on the DIY link:

Source:
DIY Network

Friday, September 17, 2010

Online Dating Facts







It was my preferred method of finding my partner . . . and it worked for me and many other friends who are still with their significant others years after meeting online. Of course it is a very scary endeavor, but so is traditional dating.
The following is an interesting article with lots of research to back up their facts . . .
Psychological research reveals who uses internet dating and why, which strategies work, and uncovers the truth about lying online.
Somewhere between one-third and three-quarters of single people with internet access have used it to try and meet someone new. But, over the years, we've heard conflicting stories about how successful it is.
Believe the internet dating companies and it's all sweetness and light, with wedding bells ringing in the distance; believe the media scare stories and it's all lying, cheating, perverted social misfits. The truth is somewhere in between, but where?
Fortunately, now there's enough research to suggest what's really going on. So, here are my 10 favourite psychological insights on internet dating.

 

1. Internet daters are not losers

 

Contrary to the stereotype, there's little evidence that internet dating is the last resort of social misfits or weirdos.
In fact, quite the reverse. Internet daters are more likely to be sociable, have high self-esteem and be low in dating anxiety (Kim et al., 2009; Valkenburg, 2007). These studies found no evidence that people use online dating because they can't hack it face-to-face. It's just one more way to meet new people.
People's motivations to start online dating are many and various, typically involving a triggering event like a break-up, but overall Barraket and Henry-Waring (2008) have found that people's motivations are less individual and more social. People aren't using online dating because they are shy but because they have moved to a new city, are working long hours or don't have time to meet anyone new.

 

2. Online daters do lie (but only a little)
Although 94% deny their internet dating profiles contain any fibs (Gibbs et al., 2006), psychologists are a suspicious lot. Toma et al. (2008) measured the heights and weights of 80 internet daters, as well as checking their driving licences for their real age.
When this data was compared with their profiles, it showed that nine out of ten had lied on at least one of the attributes measured, but the lies were only small ones. The most frequent offender was weight, with daters either adding or shaving off an average of 5%. Daters were more truthful about their age (1.5% deviation) and height (1.1% deviation). As expected women tended to shave off the pounds, while men gave themselves a boost in height.
These lies make little difference in the real world because the vast majority of fibbing would have been difficult to detect in person. Most people want to meet up eventually so they know big lies are going to be caught.

 

3. Photo fallacies

 

The saying 'the camera never lies' is bunk. Even without Photoshop to iron out the wrinkles, camera angles and lighting can easily change perceived attractiveness.
People instinctively understand this when choosing their profile photo so Toma and Hancock (2010) took photographs of internet daters, then judges compared these to the real profile photos.
Although less physically attractive people were the most likely to choose a self-enhancing photo, overall the differences were tiny. The lab photos were only a little less attractive than those chosen for online dating profiles (about 5% for women and 4% for men). Once again, internet daters weren't lying much...

 

4. Your best look

 

Clues to which types of profile photos work come from one online dating site which has analyzed 7,000 photographs in its database (oktrends, 2010):
Women had higher response-rates when they made eye-contact with the camera and looked flirty. Conversely the least successful pictures for women were looking away with a flirty face.
Men's best look was away from the camera, not smiling. But guys should avoid a flirty face, which was associated with a drastic reduction in messages.
They then looked at which photos were associated with the longest online conversations. These were where it showed the dater:
Doing something interesting
With an animal
In an interesting location (travel photo)
The photos associated with shorter than average conversations were (in increasing order of conversational deterrent):
In bed (associated with slightly shorter conversations)
Taken outdoors
Having fun with friends
And the most likely to deter interactions: drinking! (associated with the shortest conversations)
(Remember, these are all associations so we can't be sure about causality.)

 

5. Opposites (still) don't attract

 

Even amongst a diverse population of online daters, people still prefer someone who is similar to themselves.
When Fiore and Donath (2005) examined data from 65,000 online daters, they found that people were choosing based on similarity to themselves.
In this respect online dating is no different from offline dating. On average people are looking for someone about the same as themselves. Indeed there are now many dating sites aimed at narrower demographics such as sports fans, Jewish people or those with particular medical conditions.

 

6. Internet dating encourages some diversity

 

To examine internet dating diversity, Dutton et al. (2009) surveyed 2,670 married couples in the UK, Australia and Spain. In this sample internet daters were more likely to have a greater disparity in age and educational background compared with those who had met in more traditional ways.
Although opposites don't tend to attract, by its nature internet dating does encourage diverse matches. The authors argue that it is changing the face of marriage by bring together types of people who previously never would have met.

 

7. Keep the first message short

 

Getting a response online can be a hit-and-miss affair. An online dating site has gauged the response rate by analysing more than 500,000 initial contacts sent by their members (oktrends, 2009). Recipients answered only 30% of men's messages to women and 45% of women's messages to men. The percentage that lead to conversations is even lower (around 20% and 30% respectively).
The one-third response rate, which is backed up by academic research (Rosen et al., 2008), is partly because many internet dating accounts are dead.
oktrends also found that longer messages only yield a small improvement in response rate for men and nothing for women. So, don't waste your time writing an essay. Say hi and let them check out your profile.

 

8. Emotionality is attractive

 

In a study of online dating, Rosen et al., (2008) found evidence that more intense emotionality, e.g. using words like 'excited' and 'wonderful', made a better impression on both men and women.
This study also looked at the impact of self-disclosure. While the results were more variable, overall people preferred relatively low-levels of self-disclosure.

 

9. After screening, 51% meet face-to-face

 

For many, but not all internet daters, the aim is to meet someone new in the flesh. In a survey of 759 internet daters, Rosen et al. (2008) found that 51% of people had made a face-to-face date within one week and one month of receiving replies to their online overtures.
This first meeting is often treated by internet daters as the final part of the screening process (Whitty & Carr, 2006). Is this person really who they say they are? And, if so, is there any chemistry? It's only after this stage is complete that people can get to know each other.

 

10. Relation shopping

 

Despite all the positive things the research has to say about internet dating, there's no doubt that it can be unsatisfying and aversive. 132 online daters surveyed by Frost et al. (2008) reported that they spent 7 times as long screening other people's profiles and sending emails than they did interacting face-to-face on real dates.
Part of the problem is that people are encouraged by online dating to think in consumerist terms (Heino et al., 2010). Users are 'relationshopping': looking at other people's features, weighing them up, then choosing potential partners, as though from a catalogue; it's human relationships reduced to check-boxes.
This is more of a criticism of the technology currently available than it is of the general idea of internet dating. Frost et al. (2008) argue that this will change as online dating services move towards more experiential methods, such as virtual dates (see: why internet dating is aversive).
How well does it work?
There's only limited data about how well internet dating works and most of this research examined heterosexual daters. Still, Rosen et al. (2008) found that 29% of their sample had found serious relationships through internet dating. Dutton et al. (2009) found that about 6% of married couples had met online in the UK, 5% in Spain and 9% in Australia. Looking at just younger people the percentages were much higher:
In the US, 42% of couples between 26 and 35 first met online.
In the UK, 21% of married couples between 19 and 25 first met online.
If a long-term relationship is what you're after, we can certainly say that it's working for some people.
Many are no doubt put off internet dating by the scare stories, especially because these stick in the mind. Some will find the box-ticking, relationshopping aspects off-putting, or get caught out by the tensions between representing their actual and idealised selves online. Still others will find that low levels of response kills their enthusiasm.
The research, however, suggests that most internet daters are relatively honest and, for some at least, it can be successful.

 

Article Source: http://www.mentalfloss.com

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Is your boss a bully? Read on . . .





Unless you've been incredibly lucky in your professional life, no doubt you have experienced the bully boss. Perhaps you are the bully boss? In my opinion, working for a bully boss is one of the most degrading things we will ever have to endure. Control and power of others in evil hands should never be tolerated in the business world, but sadly, it is. In this era of high unemployment, the bully boss feels even more empowered since good jobs are very difficult to find and in some areas, impossible. Are power hungry people so evil that they don't even see what they do to their employees? Do they really care, or is it just a game . . . a power trip? 

 My experience in supervisory positions showed me that treating others as you wish to be treated produces happy employees with productive, successful results. Management by intimidation creates a toxic work environment where employees are only there because life circumstances force them to stay. Experience has also shown me that women bosses tend to be bully bosses moreso than their male counterparts. Interesting observation . . . In the article "When the Boss Is A Bully" from Psychology Today, they touch on some tactics that can be used in dealing with a bully boss.

Here are tactics from seasoned organizational consultants:
- Confront the bully: "I'm sorry you feel you have to do that, but I will not put up with that kind of behavior. It has no place here." It can be startlingly effective. "Bullies lack boundaries on their own behavior. Some external controls may force them to back off" says Levinson. "A bully can't bully if you don't let yourself be bullied." - Conduct the confrontation in private--behind dosed doors in the bully's office, at lunch outside the office. The bully won't back down in front of an audience. - Specify the behavior that's unworkable: "You can't just fire from the hip and demean me in front of my staff or others."

 

- Don't play armchair psychologist. Restrict the discussion to specific behaviors, not theories of motivation.

 

- Make your boss aware by showing him or her the consequences of his behavior on others. "I've been noticing how Jim seems so demoralized lately. I think one of the contributing factors may be last week's meeting when you ridiculed him for producing an inadequate sales report" Many executives have no information on how their leadership style impacts others, says Alexander. "Peers don't tell them they are in competition. Why feed information that may make your competitor more effective?" - Awareness is not enough; help your boss figure out what to do. Specify the behavioral change you want. "Your boss is likely to brush off criticism with, 'That's just my style;" observes Marquand. "Furnish your boss with an example of desirable behavior-from his or her own repertoire of actions. Jump in with 'But I can recall a month ago when you were . . . lavish in your praise of that new assistant,' or whatever."

 

- Point out how the boss's behavior is seen by others. "You embarrass me when you publicly humiliate me in a meeting, but you also embarrass yourself. You're demonstrating your weakness." Comparing self-perceptions and the perceptions of others is often a "grabber," finds Alexander. "The fact of difference gets people's attention." - Try humor. If you point out to your boss that she's acting like a caricature, that may be enough to make her aware.

 

- Recruit an ally or allies. Standing up for yourself can stop a bully by earning his/her respect. But it could also cost your job. The higher your boss is in the organization, says Lewis, the more you need allies. "It pays to check out with other workers whether the behavior you are experiencing is generalized or idiosyncratic," says Levinson. "If it's generalized, it's easier for two or three people to confront a boss than one alone." - If the company you work for is large enough to have one, talk to the human resources department. Unfortunately, says Levinson, companies often don't learn about bullying experiences until an exit interview. But the larger the company you work for, the more mechanisms there are in place to deal with bullies. Unfortunately, the corollary is that in a smaller organization you may have little choice except to leave. - If you are important to the organization, you may accomplish your goal by going to your boss's boss. But that's always a chancy move; you'll have to live with your boss in the morning.
Personally, I have enjoyed using humor on a bully boss . . . Click here to read the entire article from Psychology Today . . .