As I contemplate the real world and in particular, the crazy world of dating, I'm finding these type of articles extremely interesting. For more "LOVE 101" articles, click on the Lifescript link.
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By Norine Dworkin-McDaniel, Special to LifeScript
Published May 01, 2008
At first glance, these guys look like Mr. Absolutely Right. They sweep you off your cynical feet with nice dinners, roses, thoughtful gestures. The sex is incredible – you get hot and bothered even thinking about it. Even your friends like him. And you think, “Hey, maybe he is The One.” Stop! Before you fall hook, line and sinker, take a good look at the guy who’s stolen your heart. He could be one of these seven dating disasters…
These seven guy types are master anglers. Once you’re hooked, you’ll invest your love, your soul, your money and, possibly, your valuable childbearing years, not realizing until it’s too late that these bad boys don’t do happily ever after. In the end, they’ll break your heart, shatter your ego and frustrate the hell out of you.
And while these men may be hard to spot, they do send out subtle clues that they’re relationship kryptonite. Read on for the seven types… and how to spot them before they reel you in.
1. Mr. Perennial Bachelor
This guy is well-mannered, smart, attractive, witty, successful, and his kisses melt you like ice cream in July. You can’t believe that some gal hasn’t walked him down the aisle long ago. Even if you approach him with caution his charm and persistence may win you over eventually. Then, just when you start considering whether to take his name or hyphenate, he’ll peel out of the relationship faster than a NASCAR driver, leaving skid marks on your heart.
How he’ll lure you in: Ask about his perpetual bachelorhood, and he’ll tell you that he just hasn’t found the right woman yet. The unspoken suggestion is that you could be her. But dating Mr. Perennial Bachelor is a fool’s journey because there is no right woman… and there never will be. “Women always think I’ll be the one,” says Los Angeles-based psychotherapist Stacy Kaiser. “But if no one has been right, you probably won’t be either.”
Spot him before you’re hooked: He’s not inclined to introduce you to his friends or family, an indication that he’s in no hurry to fully integrate you into his life. But the biggest giveaway is that his last significant relationship was back in college, and every relationship since has lasted just a few months – at most. Around the time you’re expecting your relationship to shift into serious, he’s putting it in reverse. As relationship coach Joyce Morley-Ball (aka Dr. Joyce) says, “If a man hasn’t gotten married by the time he’s 50, he’s probably not going to.”
2. Mr. Marry-Go-Round
Unlike Mr. Perennial Bachelor, this guy is all about getting married. Unfortunately, he treats marriage like a luxury car lease – and you can be sure that in a few years he’ll be ready to trade you in for a newer model. “The relationship is over when the romance is gone,” says Mark Rogers, Ph.D., an Irving, Texas relationship coach who works with Dr. Phil. Mr. Marry-Go-Round hasn’t figured out that all passion cools naturally, and when his does, he’ll blame you. “He’ll say, ‘You weren’t the right one because when I find the right one, I’ll stay in this infatuated euphoria forever,’” Rogers says.
How he’ll lure you in: He’s a virtuoso romancer, so dating him is like being on a permanent honeymoon. Plus, the fact that he’s been married before suggests that he’s not afraid to make that kind of commitment. If you’ve been dating men who can’t even whisper the “M” word, someone who’s practically sprinting down the aisle and introducing you as the future Mrs. So-And-So is certainly seductive.
Spot him before you’re hooked: Find out exactly how many times he’s been married. If he’ll soon outpace Liz Taylor – and his brides are getting younger – that should give you pause. “If he’s been married two or three or four times, there’s a good chance that he could be married two or three or four more times,” Kaiser says.
Another indicator: If you suggest slowing things down, he’ll get impatient because you’re getting in the way of his next acquisition – you. “This is someone who’s used to getting what he wants,” Kaiser says. “You become the thing he wants.” If you decide to take the plunge, at least make sure the pre-nup is fair from your perspective.
3. Mr. No-Money Bags
He’s got champagne tastes on a beer budget and a walk-in closet full of financial skeletons. But that doesn’t bother him because he’s also got a preternatural ability to get into women’s wallets, as well as their beds. He’s counting on you to keep him in the style to which he hopes to become accustomed. “He looks for the financially well-off woman so he can mooch off her,” says relationship expert Celeste Simmons, co-author of You Know She’s A Princess When… (Third Dimension Press, 2006).
How he’ll lure you in: He’ll play on your natural affinity for nurturing and caretaking. It’s like stumbling onto a beautiful, crumbling Victorian house: You see past the sagging floors and peeling paint and envision how magnificent it could be. You figure a little “investment” will pay off big for both of you. Besides, what’s a little money when it’s the man of your dreams?
Spot him before you’re hooked: Whenever it’s time to pay, his wallet is conveniently AWOL – it’s in his other pants, he left it at home, he’s short on cash until he gets paid. Initially, it might seem reasonable to float him a little extra. But eventually his handout requests will get larger and larger until one day you may find yourself buying him a car, co-signing on a loan or making a down payment on a house. He’ll try to convince you that “it’s for us,” but as Simmons points out, you’ll be the one on the financial hook. When things go south, not only will he break your heart, but he’ll put you deep in debt and tank your credit.
4. Mr. Mama’s Boy
He’s sweet, affectionate and understanding. Unfortunately, he’s still hung up on another woman – his mother. Date this guy, and you date his mom... not exactly the threesome you might have had in mind. Mom still influences his professional decisions, his investment portfolio, where he lives, who he votes for. Project into the future and you can count on her influencing everything from where you buy a home to how you raise your children. And if you push him to choose sides, guess who loses? Yep, that would be you.
How he’ll lure you in: You figure that any man who loves his mother will know how to treat a woman right. “If you’ve been involved with guys who have been great in romancing you but have not had an emotional connection and then you run into a guy who knows and cares about how women feel, that can be really attractive,” Rogers says.
Spot him before you’re hooked: He compares you to his mother – and you come up short every time. The real test may come around Valentine’s Day: If you’re alone with a box of chocolates because he’s taken Mom out for a candlelit dinner, cut him loose. “At the most intimate level of his heart, he still loves Mom as much or more than you,” Rogers says.
5. Mr. Peter Pan
Though he’s physically in his 30s or 40s, emotionally Mr. Peter Pan is still a frat boy at heart. Life’s a nonstop, movable kegger and he’s the affable host. He’s on a first-name basis with all the bartenders in town, thinks 401k refers to computer stuff and is always ready for a trip to Las Vegas. But if you run into hard times – say, you’re in a serious car accident or you lose your job – he’ll be way, way out of his depth. Difficult situations aren’t in his repertoire, and when the going gets tough, you’ll be going it alone.
How he’ll lure you in: His spontaneity and sense of adventure bring out the kid in you. He’s the one who convinces you to go parasailing in Cancun or ditch work for an afternoon at the ball park.
Spot him before you’re hooked: He’s managed to dodge major responsibilities. Although by now his buddies are entrenched with mortgages, marriages, even babies, he’s still footloose. When it comes to dating, “let’s keep things light” is this guy’s mantra. Peter Pans eventually do grow up – into perennial bachelors.
6. Mr. Egomaniac
He’s brilliant and accomplished and has an unflagging belief in his own infallibility. “You never see him waffling or agonizing about a decision,” Rogers says. “He’s extremely decisive because the world revolves around him.” On the rare occasion when he’s not 100% right, he won’t take it well if you point it out. He may want an accomplished woman, but not so accomplished that you eclipse his glory. He may even do things to undercut your success, like embarrassing you at an office party or running you down in front of your colleagues in the guise of “being funny.” When you complain, he’ll accuse you of being too sensitive.
How he’ll lure you in: His confidence is irresistible. “He’s got that Clint Eastwood, John Wayne, macho inner strength that’s really appealing,” Rogers says.
Spot him before you’re hooked: He never tires of talking about himself or the things he’s interested in. Except there’s no give and take, just him lecturing. “He doesn’t care what you have to say,” Rogers says. “He may listen, but only long enough to prepare for his next persuasive statement.”
Another giveaway: He surrounds himself with sycophants but has few real friends. “If you’re not a good listener or you only want to talk about yourself, the only people who are going to be around you are submissive people,” explains dating expert Stephany Alexander, founder of WomanSavers.com, a Web site dedicated to outing cheating or unethical guys.
7. Mr. Control Freak
Dating this guy will be like dating a boa constrictor. At first his embrace may seem warm and secure. But before long you’ll be suffocating. It’ll start with going to the restaurants he chooses, seeing the movies he picks, hanging out with his friends. But eventually, he tries to dictate everything about you, from what you wear to how you spend your free time. “He’s trying to get you to be who you’re not,” Kaiser explains. “One day you wake up, and you’re like, ‘Where did I go? I don’t even know what I like to eat anymore!’”
How he’ll lure you in: All this attention is certainly flattering. After all, he must really love you if he’s so concerned about you, takes such care of you and wants to be with you all the time, right?
Spot him before you’re hooked: He insists on orchestrating all your dates and tells you how to dress or act around his friends. Even if you’ve only been on a few dates, he phones frequently and has memorized your schedule. He’s suspicious of any relationship you have with any other guy. He expects you to agree with him, and if you don’t, he tries to persuade you you’re wrong. Run – don’t walk – away.
“With a control freak, you have to give up more and more of your separate experiences, separate activities, separate friends,” Rogers says. “And then it goes deeper to separate thoughts and feelings until you are micromanaged at the emotional level. And that’ll kill you.”